Love in the times of parallel universes

In another life, in a parallel universe, I was in a relationship many years ago.

Amid this ride (it was a ride as you shall very shortly know), I discovered that she was two timing on me with my friend. Suffices to say, that’s the closest I ever got to a threesome in my life.

Few years later, my friend discovered that she was also two timing him with another friend. And that my friends, is the closest either of us got to an orgy in our lives.

So by now, the fact is clearly established that she was (coughs to cover up the syllables) ... basically, an asshole.

However, I was delusional and needy enough to have been madly in love. And here is the thing – when these two conditions (being madly in love and the worse half being an asshole) are met, one tends to lose two things.

In this whole episode I lost:

1. My self respect

2. My weight

They say there is always a silver lining. But consider the irony. The globally accepted top rated (though shallow) way of gaining self esteem is losing weight. And then there’s me!

However, I do think that she also actually loved me. Just that her timing was off. She did say “I love you” ... although approximately 6 and a half months late – on Friendship day instead of Valentine’s Day.

So, here’s my conclusion – “Made in China” and “I love you” are the most common phrases in the world. And, neither of them comes with any guarantee!

Case Closed!

P.S. – I am starting to get obsessed with the concept of parallel universes.

The Miracle of Old Trafford

Ind vs. NZ - Semi-final - what a game!

The newspaper headline shouted – “The Miracle of Old Trafford”. 5^th ball of the 48^th over being bowled by Trent Boult. It’s in the slot. Jadeja skies it but… the ball has enough distance. It sails over the long off fence for a six! India now need 26 of 13 balls, a tall order. But India believe… Cut to the last ball of the innings. With 2 needed, Dhoni in his cool fashion punches this through the packed infield for a 4 on the off side to complete the biggest heist in modern day cricket! Wow!

In some parallel universe, this happened for sure! That is the only solace we can take now to mend our broken hearts.

The reality of what happened yesterday has not sunk in yet. I am still heartbroken and in disbelief.

It is not some tragedy or disheartening life event or anything else, it’s just a World Cup semifinal gone horribly wrong. Just another game!?

I am now in my 30s but my but reaction is like a 10-year-old. A very specific 10-year-old with the same disbelief and more heartbreak on a summer evening back in 1996. There were tears that day. Also, anger, lots of it and random objects were thrown into the stadium. Thankfully, we have matured as a sport loving audience, but I am sure that for people who saw that 1996 semifinals echo this sentiment and disappointment

This was a heartbreak of epic proportions. We all were super happy when SA, chokers ended their campaign on a high and beat Australia to set up our semi-final appointment with New Zealand. A friend of mine asked “Humlog NZ ko halke mein toh nahi le rahe na?” and those words are still echoing in my mind.

Most of us had already made big Sunday plans for an India – England clash. However, who choked is now a part of history. For the sheer way this game ebbed and flowed with a possessed fast bowling attack killing this it in 15 minutes only to see the way that an old, slow and past his prime statesman and a bits and pieces player bought about its resurrection. For the sheer emotions that it bought out and lastly to be very objective, in this age of 350+scores, the way this 240-chase turned out to be – it was the the second best (if not the best) knock out game ever. Second maybe only to the one that was played about 125km away at Edgbaston that day in 1999. Heartbreak was the common theme.

Here is my 2-cent worth randomness on this. Truth be told, everyone’s opinion and point of view on this is now only 2 cents worth, be it a layman fan like me or any experts... only Sanjay Manjrekar’s views are worth nothing at all 😉 - as is the case always!

The enigma that is Dhoni!

We all have had supportive, critical and technical opinions about how MSD has gone about his game in this world cup. If IPL seemed like a revival of the old Mahi, this world cup has all but shown that that there’s daylight between the conditions and quality of opposition attacks in the IPL and on the international stage. At best the IPL grooms and teaches players to handle big game pressure. But then, Dhoni doesn’t need to be taught that. He wrote the book on how it’s done!

But, how I wish that Dhoni would have remembered that IPL final dismissal and put in dive. How I wish that that a completely down and out Guptill would have succumbed to his own lack of confidence in that moment.

To be fair, Dhoni is the fastest runner in the game, there was no player to collect the ball and for once Dhoni, in that split second made a decision that killed the chase. He is after all, only human. And if anyone had any doubt, his disappointed expression bordering onto tears and the slow walk back to the change room signified that. One can’t always be a hero… it was too much to ask even from this great servant of Indian cricket.

However, yesterday between 5-7pm IST, whoever you were – critic, admirer, supporter, indifferent etc. – for every Indian fan irrespective of their opinion, one thing held true – Dhoni hai toh Mumkin hai! Period. Enough said.

He deserves a hero’s farewell, but I doubt that he himself will let that happen. Knowing Dhoni, it is probably the last we saw of him in blue and there is no shame in it. Between those run outs in Bangladesh in 2004 and Manchester in 2019, we saw the most enthralling story of an individual, a team and a country full of fans unfold. Salute to this great champion… No one is bigger than the game... Dhoni epitomized that by always playing the situation and not his game.

Leadership matters… more than numbers, records and star players

Scott Styris was pumped up in the post-match analysis on TV saying that he is sick and tired of hearing things like New Zealand are the underdogs or the whole is greater than the sum of their parts etc.

Well, Mr. Styris frustration about this might be genuine, but that is the truth. Like the fact that on the day that mattered the most, it was not true for India.

For New Zealand, Kane Williamson stood up each game of the tournament. More importantly, he galvanized lesser players like Neesham and De’Grandhomme to stand up and take responsibility in some tough matches like the one against the Windies which proved to be the difference between an India vs. Pak and India vs. NZ semifinal line up.

The Kiwis have been blessed with great captains starting right from Stephen Fleming to Vettori to Mc’Cullum to Kane Williamson and they get much lesser credit than they should. Be it the brilliant innings by Fleming to knock SA out of their home world cup in 2003 or Vettori’s slip-short leg-silly point field to start the innings against SA in 2011 to Mc’Cullum’s leadership by example in 2015.

Kane Williamson has carried on the legacy and how! His captaincy was on the money. However much Virat Kohli might be distraught about his dismissal, it was earned by Williamson. It was his wicket. He choked Kohli’s instinct and challenged his dominance by having all but one players in the ring in that Boult over. Eventually an attacking Kohli was done by his own desire to be on top of the game. I suspect that even if the decision were to be in India’s favour, a dismissal was always around the corner.

Kohli has been brilliant in the tournament, but as echoed by dada he needed to do an encore of what Dhoni did in 2011 in Mumbai – we needed not runs but calmness, control and guidance to the striking batsman when KL or even DK walked out. It was a tactical blunder – only God knows whether anyone, be it Ravi Shastri or Rohit or MSD himself, thought of that. However, it is clear that no one put their foot down (or it was a collective disaster of a tactical call). Leadership is not always to be displayed by the captain – sometime challenging the leader is a bigger leadership quality.

Sir Jadeja – From meme to Legend in the space of 59 balls

How prophetic was it. Seemingly an inside joke that turned into a meme and a living for some twitter accounts - All those years ago Dhoni christened Ravindra Jadeja “Sir”

Today as fate would have it with Dhoni at the other end, Jadeja played like a man who deserved to be knighted for real. He played like a man possessed. As Kane Williamson later said, he was playing on a different surface striking at 133 out of sheer will more than anything else.

It was also prophetic and ominous, when Isa Guha pointed out he averages 70 in England. Turns out he bettered that by 7 today but still fell short by 18!

In the end, did it prove to be a bit too much pressure on him? Could Dhoni have accelerated 6 balls earlier? All these are questions which will haunt everyone for a bit and probably Dhoni forever. But, you cannot deny that you saw the innings of the world cup yesterday and also:

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1. Team India cannot ignore the quality of Jadeja and the potential balance he lends to the combination – the sum of parts (batting, bowling and fielding) is much greater than the whole in his case
2. Life came a full circle for India after Champions Trophy 2017 – from a departure towards wrist spin and its mystery to Jadeja being called up for an unreal semi-final performance
3. This is the same Jadeja who with Karun Nair won an impossible chase for Rajasthan Royals back in 2008 and said in the post-match catch up that the most important question was – “How do we win from here” #ThrowbackWednesday

Our Achilles heel

I hate to say this, but I agree with one comment by Sanjay Manjrekar. Rohit can fail and VK can fail. But, with the amount of time and faith that has been invested in KL Rahul, he is just not allowed to fail at a juncture like this and in this big a game. He made scores across the tournament but never seemed assured enough – it seemed like he was playing for his place in the team rather than playing for the team and it showed. Much his as the team management’s failure.

Manjrekar spoke the same of DK, but he was never going to be a part of the future forward planning for India after the World Cup. It’s the end of the road for DK – thanks for that 8 ball 22 in the Nidahas trophy DK!

Kapil Dev spoke about Pujara in England. Team India ignored Rahane for no.4 making him a failed opener which he isn’t in the first place. There was only one Achilles heel for India – No.4 & 5 and it bit us in the butt badly in this match. Our worst nightmare chose an opportune day to come true.

Pant handled the situation with much more maturity than he ought to have at this age. Pandya also had a sense of calm about him. However, both couldn’t help the prospect of the get out of jail big shot and succumbed to their own vices. The only way this could have been avoided is MSD was on the crease – his influence on Jadeja was crucial – he hit all his big shots by stepping out unlike Pant and Pandya. They, especially Pant could have used that, but it was not to be.

Perhaps, the real Achilles heel is not the middle order but the strategic and tactical stubbornness of VK and the management. It is costing us – there is no doubt about that.

Moment of the day

I will end with a cliché – a picture speaks much more than words – despite the result this signified an India (cricket team and an entire generation) that doesn’t give up

Finally, there are a lot of what ifs. Also, it is sad that we are in the wrong parallel universe right. Reality is a tough pill to swallow but life moves on… Now on to Sunday, where I will be cheering for New Zealand to be the new home of the ICC Cricket World Cup Trophy.

Announcements, Demonetization and online dating

Announcements, Demonetization and online dating

There is no single event that runs a chill down the spine of Indians than PM Modi planning to make an “important” announcement. Of course preceded by the now eternal part of pop culture… “Mitron”

Today was a stressful day. At 11am, Modi declared that he will be making a very important announcement at 11.45am IST... Which eventually turned out to be MST.

Almost instantly, everybody lost their shit. Productivity across offices in India plummeted to almost absolute zero levels. News channel anchors snorted lines of cocaine (which are tactfully hidden from the frame) and went into overdrive.

Side note – Arnab did not need any since like Obelix (of Asterix fame), he probably fell into a barrel of cocaine when he was a child

Each of 130 crore deshvasis were full of expectation & speculation. WhatsApp servers were pushed to their limits.

News anchors predicted a declaration of war. Students and their parents felt he might announce the board exam results.

However, jiski sabse jyada g***d fatti wo thi India ki minority community. I am also a part of this minority community. It is called “Tax payers”!

For taxpayers, it felt like déjà vu, trip back down nightmare lane – demonetization. Incidentally it so happened, that I was on my way to an ATM to withdraw cash with only 2 hundred rupee notes in my pocket. As I walked towards the bank, I received this WhatsApp message.

I have never run so fast backwards in my life. If it was a legit sport, I would have been the champion.

Side note – That is the irony of my life. I am a champion in many things that are infinitely inconsequential

I fucked off out of that place and did not want to be in 500 meter radius of any ATM or any financial institution for that matter. I decided to buy a pack of cigarettes with the last cash I had left. I figured that they would at least come in handy as stress relievers today. Also, because unlike a certain someone, we cannot roll and smoke currency notes at will to relieve stress!

Here’s the irony though. The paan wala said – “Abhi ek ghanta sirf Paytm lenge sahib”. Case closed.

Eventually, the announcement turned out to be one that could not take the media’s hard on to the logical climax. Things rolled back to humdrum “normal”

Side note - #Maibhichowkidaar #IloveModi #becasueIdontwanttodieyoung

So now, after a stressful day, I sat in a café by the office, using their free Wi-Fi to do my favourite stress relieving activity – being shallow via Tinder.

Now here is the thing... I have been a Tinder user for years. So much so that while other young single men boast a single strong forearm, I now have a strongly built right thumb instead. (some people are giving a “haw” expression now)

Moving on, in my experience, there is one breed of girls on Tinder that I despise. They irritate the fuck out of me!

These are the girls who put up only group photos on Tinder. 6 group photos, 6 girls in each picture… Pehchaan kaun!?

This is no more online dating. This is now a legit CAT entrance exam logical reasoning multiple choice question.

So, I sit down in despair, get a paper and pen and start solving the problem. In real life…………… DESPERATION > IRRITATION (or any other emotion)

I solve 90% and narrow down to two options. But there is a catch. One of the options is a super-hot girl while the other is super ugly. Now, there is a hack to solving this last hurdle – check the name. If the name is anything like Natasha (i.e. a sexy name), then go for it. 

Because, it is a well know life rule that a girl who goes by the name Natasha, can only be hot.

However, the trade off and risk rewards calculations begin if the name turns out to be the likes of Pooja or Neha or something common

Side note – Seriously. If I stand on any street crossing and shout any of these names, statistical evidence proves that at least 4-5 girls will turn around.

So, while there is the high risk, there is a potentially high reward situation at hand here. Red pill or Blue pill, Neo? Mentally, I am already deeply involved in a hypothetical relationship with Natasha. Mere mann mein hamare bacche bhi ho gaye jinki shakal Natasha par gayi hai (thankfully).

However, deep down I know that I do not have any chance in hell with Natasha. If my profile shows up on her feed, her phone crashes… dead.. Beyond repair. However, where there is hope, there is also a serious lack of rationale.

And hence, I still swipe right. Because, as in dating, as in life and as in politics, the temptation these 3 words is too hard to resist – Acche Din Ayenge!

Memory Lane

Something ticks and it gets me back to putting my meagre thoughts on paper after an unnecessarily long hiatus.
The long gone but familiar setting. A buzz in my head and chill in the air. Legs in auto mode taking me to my destination. I slip into one of the cosy by lanes, a welcome diversion from  the chaos. As always, it is also the shorter route.
Something happens next. Its like the feeling you get when the hair on the back of you neck stand up. I might as well have walked into a portal which takes me (or rather my mind) back in time.

The buzzing sound in my head takes a backseat. Its still there nevertheless adding an edgy element to the whole situation

Now, there are some emotions for which language and words can only do the job of labeling them. To really understand what the dictionary is trying to tell us, first hand experience is the key. So as I realized, while the phrase "a walk down memory lane" is a overused cliche', in reality it can be eerily pleasant experience.

Fate and time

"Naseeb se jyada aur waqt se pehle kuch bhi mila toh hume yaad karna"... a wise statement from a not so wise man

As I was rambling on and discussing about the unimportant things in life in one of our customary phone calls, this friend of mine threw this line at me at some point of time. We went on to talk about more random stuff and hung up after contributing a fair bit to the telecom company revenues.
A while later it came back to me. In how much ever matter of fact way this was said, it has a profound meaning. Well, may be not so profound but still it feels good to pretend that one is capable of appreciating the complexity in the simplest of things.

How many times do we crib about work to our friends? How many times do we think we're getting short sold in professional and the larger context of life? How many times do we just pass the day going through the motions? Do we often spend disproportionate amount of time worrying about how we're going to make things work out tomorrow, day after and beyond?
If the answer to this is one time too many then all this, all this that we do does not make a whole lot of sense. Its just a whole lot of noise.
Noise. It gives you a sense of being around the hustle and bustle of important things, doing important stuff, influencing important matters. A false sense of being on track. But in the end it is noise. It is not sonorous. There is no harmony about it.

If in the end if its just to be a juxtaposition of fate and time, then what is the use of putting oneself through senseless ordeals.
Is it all written? Why the hell should I even care!
Why should I care about feeling like an odd man out amidst all this pretense around  us? Why should I care about how things will turn out tomorrow, regardless of whether predetermined or purely governed by probabilistic chance?

All I should care about is today! All we should care about are the thing and people we care about.
All I do care about is am I happy about today, about doing what I am doing? Does passing the day seem effortless instead of a tough task. Am I totally 100% in this moment or all those moments just mere seconds minutes days and years that have passed.

Why should I care about fate and time. If we take care and just focus on today, won't these two take care of themselves?

Jeevan.. zindagi.. life

Wrote this on 1st Jan 2012

this year is to no compromises in life.
this is a year of living life like life is supposed to be lived
this is a year of getting what i want
this is a year of doing what i want the way i want it
this is THE year
cheers!!

In hindsight... how life screws you is pretty evident!!

End up here

I went to get my guitar fixed,
and I ended up in a bar.

I've been meeting so many people these days,
Somehow we always end up at a bar.

I went to have some dessert the other day,
And I ended up in a bar.

I had coffee with a friend last week,
and after that somehow I ended up at a bar.

The learning is,
no matter where you go or what you do,
you will always end up in a bar.
So, go to a bar in the first place! :)